Slim Sauron: Without Me
by Orlijah Bloomwood
Summary: It's funny enough watching Eminem do Without Me. Now let's see how our friend Sauron is with his rhymes....


Disclaimer: These aren't my characters, these are Tolkien's, and this ain't my song, good thing too, it belongs to the great Slim Shady…  
  
NO FLAMES!! There are many insults to characters of middle-earth, but it's all in good humor…If you knew what that meant, you wouldn't flame. Anybody who does, you're all just a buncha stiff, boring idiots, who have a chronic psychopathic obsession with Lord of the Rings…  
  
No offense to Em fans, either. NO FLAMES saying how I am defacing his great works, blah, blah, blah, yada, yada…  
  
Okay, so I decided to write sum other stuff before I getting bak 2 attack of the apples…This is just the start of my parodies, I got a whole buncha these in the demented head of mine, read and REVIEW, please tell me if I should continue to write these thingies, and if I should start Frodo's Rap Album…There will prob be songs from Ja-Rule, Nelly, Jay-Z, Lil' Bow Wow, etc. ONTO the first rap parody written by meeeee…By my fave rap artist…  
  
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The Real Slim Sauron: Without Me  
  
[Gollum]  
  
Gollum, Smeagol, real nice, no precioussss…  
  
  
  
[Slim Sauron]  
  
Two Rivendell elves go round the outside  
  
Round the outside, round the outside  
  
Two Rivendell elves go round the outside  
  
Round the outside, round the outside  
  
  
  
[Legolas' voice]  
  
"OoOoOoHhHh!"  
  
  
  
[Slim Sauron]  
  
Guess who's back, back again  
  
Sauron's back, tell a friend  
  
Guess who's back, guess who's back,  
  
Guess who's back, guess who's back,  
  
Guess who's back, guess who's back,  
  
Guess who's back……  
  
[Verse 1]  
  
I've created a ringwraith  
  
Cuz nobody wants any goodness no more  
  
They want Sauron  
  
I've chopped Legolas  
  
Well if you want Sauron, then this is what I'll give ya  
  
A little bit of weed mixed with some hard liquor  
  
Some pints that'll knock the hobbits out quicker  
  
They'll get a shock when they get shocked at the shire  
  
By Saruman when they're not cooperating  
  
When they're saving the world while I'm still corrupting  
  
"Hey!"  
  
I've waited this long to stop the conspiring  
  
Cuz I'm back, I'm on my throne and enslaving  
  
I know you are the queen Galadriel  
  
But your husband's ego is horrible  
  
So the FOTR won't let me be  
  
Or let me be me so let me see  
  
They tried to burn my ring in Mount Doom's crack-y  
  
But it feels so empty without me  
  
So come on trip, swords on your hips  
  
Jump back, jiggle your feet and wiggle a bit  
  
And get ready cuz this is about to get deadly  
  
I just settled down in Mordor, "Die damn hobbits!"  
  
[Chorus]  
  
Now this looks like a job for me  
  
So ringwraiths, just follow me  
  
Cuz we need a little controversy  
  
Cuz it feels so empty without me  
  
I said this looks like a job for me  
  
So Saruman, just follow me  
  
Cuz we need a little controversy  
  
Cuz it feels so empty without me  
  
[Verse 2]  
  
Little hellions, dwarves feelin' rebellious  
  
Embarrassed their beards got braids like dreadlocks  
  
They start feelin' like mining is useless  
  
'Til humans come along on a pony and yells  
  
"Work!"  
  
An Istari, Istari ain't scary, can't start no revolution  
  
Pollutin' the air with some pipe weed  
  
So just let me revel and bask  
  
In the fact that I got orcs kissin my ass  
  
And it's a disaster, such a catastrophe  
  
For you to see so damn much of my ass you ask for me?  
  
Well I'm back(*Batman theme*)  
  
Fix your bent sword  
  
Sheath it in and then I'm gonna enter  
  
Into the front of Lothlorien like a splinter  
  
The center of attention, back since the winter  
  
I'm frickin' evil, the best thing since the devil  
  
Enslaving all of Mirkwood and raving  
  
Testing "Corruption please"  
  
Feel the tension soon as some elf mentions me  
  
Here's my Uruk-Hai, my Lurtz is free  
  
A nuisance  
  
I sent, you ran from me……  
  
  
  
[Chorus]  
  
Now this looks like a job for me  
  
So Uruk-Hai just follow me  
  
Cuz Middle-Earth needs a little controversy  
  
Cuz it feels so empty without me  
  
I said this looks like a job for me  
  
So Ugluk, just follow me  
  
Cuz we need a little slavery  
  
Cuz the elves feel happy without me  
  
  
  
[Verse 3]  
  
A Fili A Kili  
  
I kill them hobbits with Gorbag who's slayin' this and that shit  
  
Frodo Baggins, you can get your ass kicked  
  
Worse than them little fellowship bastards  
  
And Merry, you can get stomped by Rosie  
  
You 46 year old curly headed bag, go flee  
  
You can't stop me, you're too slow  
  
Let it go, it's over, nobody follows the Grey Fool  
  
Now Lotho, your face fulla pimples  
  
Locked in Lockholes, gave new meanin to roadkill  
  
I'm on dope, suspenseful with Eowyn  
  
Ever since Arwen turned herself into a mortal  
  
But sometimes man, it just seems  
  
Every creature only wants to dis-cuss me  
  
So this must mean I'm dis-gusting  
  
But it's just me, I'm just obscene  
  
Yes, I am the first king of controversy  
  
There's no worse thing 'cept kid wizard Harry  
  
To claim Middle-Earth so selfishly  
  
And abuse hobbits so stealthily  
  
"Hey" Here's a concept that works  
  
Twenty million other evil-doers emerge  
  
But no matter how many demons on the scene  
  
It will be so empty without me  
  
  
  
[Chorus]  
  
Now this looks like a job for me  
  
So Isildur, just follow me  
  
Cuz we need a little slavery  
  
Cuz it feels so empty with hobbits free  
  
I said this looks like a job for me  
  
So MIDDLE-EARTH, just follow me  
  
Cuz we need a little controversy  
  
Cuz it feels so empty without me  
  
  
  
[I slaughter hobbits, dwarves, elves, and humans, with Uruk-Hai]  
  
[I corrupt younguns, with rings of malice, evil, and mischief]  
  
"Hobbits!"  
  
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Ok ok…After about 2 ½ days of work went into this, using many resources, such as www.azlyrics.com, and www.theonering.net, and also the not so useful Esteladuial. I was on the phone with her and she provided strange answers, such as "Bob" and "Tweak" and "Crack." All of which were not used in the production of my parody.  
  
Please NO FLAMES!! I know that syllabically, sum of it is kinda weird and messed up, but you know rap, you can fit as many syllables in a line as you want. Terribly sorry all creatures of Middle-Earth that I have insulted so…It had to be done…( ( ( ( Poor hobbits…NO FLAMES SAYING THAT SUM STUFF IS INACCURATE EITHER!!! BLAME IT ON THE WEBSITES MENTIONED ABOVE!!!!! Hahahahaha, hope u enjoyed that and look forward to many more little ditties like that in the near future. 


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